10 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person

There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage. The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility. One of the biggest mistakes that many young Muslims make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know someone.

A common myth is that the duration of a courtship is an accurate enough measure of how compatible two people are. The logic follows that the longer you speak with someone, the better you will know them. The problem with that premise is that no consideration is given to how that time is spent.

Increasingly, young Muslim couples are engaging in “halal dating,” which is basically socializing with each other in the company of friends and/or family. This includes going out to dinner, watching a movie, playing some sport or other leisure activity, etc. Depending on the family or culture, conversations are either minimal & chaperoned or worse, unrestricted and unsupervised. When you consider these limitations it makes one wonder when exactly, if ever at all, would the critical conversations take place? Unfortunately, for many, the answer is never and they live to suffer the consequences. If you or someone you know is in the “getting to know someone” phase, the following guide offers advice on exactly what to look for and avoid:

1) Do Not Marry Potential:

Often times men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don’t a$$ume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

2) Choose Character over Chemistry:

While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love. The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:

– Humility:

The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort. They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.

– Kindness:

The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales a$$ociates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money? How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger?

– Responsibility:

A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character. You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.

- Happiness:

A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have. They very rarely complain.

3) Do Not Neglect The Emotional Needs of Your Partner:

Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated.

To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs: Attention, Affection, & Appreciation. To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs: Respect, Rea$$urance, & Relief. It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive. When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his $exual desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.

4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans:

In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.

You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately pa$$ionate about? Then ask yourself, “Do I respect this pa$$ion?” “Do I respect what they are into?”

The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.

Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.

5) Avoid Pre-Marital $exual/Physical Activity:

Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why Allah has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.

Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them. Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or $exual commitment.

6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection:

There are a number of questions that you must answer YES to:

1, Do I respect and admire this person?

2. What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?

3. Do I trust this person?

4. Can I rely on them? Do I trust their judgment? Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?

5. Do I feel Safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself?

6. Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?

If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married. If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety:

Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship. Look for the following things:

– Controlling behavior:

This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between suggestions and demands. Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.

– Anger issues:

This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc. You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment. Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds. If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away. Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.

8.) Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner:

Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset. Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?” It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them.

This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team. When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team. Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds. How do they handle it? Are they defensive? Do they attack? Do they withdraw? Do they get annoyed? Do they blame you? Do they ignore it? Do they hide or rationalize it? Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility:

It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married. People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married.

If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage. Don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.

10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner:

Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster.

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6 Things Your Partner Wishes You Would Do More

Just like women, there are also a few things men need from their partner in a relationship, to make them feel appreciated and loved.

Some are listed below;

1. Respect him: A man is more likely to be satisfied in his relationship if he feels like he is respected by his woman. He wants to believe she considers him someone of honour and someone she is proud to call hers. Remind him that you respect him and show him that, through your attitude towards him.

2. Admire him: While women want to be reminded that they are beautiful, a man wants to feel admired by his partner. This is one of the reasons why a man would find himself being attracted to his subordinate as opposed to his superior. He wants someone who sees him as a man to be admired and be in awe of.

3. Give him space: Men and women process situations differently. While a woman is more likely to share her feelings to feel relief, most men would usually need some space to sort through their issues. When this happens, a man would need his partner to understand and give him his needed space without her making him feel bad about it.

4. Care for him: Men love to be cared for. They like to be nurtured through different ways. What this entails depends on the kind of relationship you share; it could be through cooking for him, massaging him, or doing all the other things he likes.

5. Be on his side: A man likes to feel like his partner is on his side, even during times she disagrees with him. He needs someone who os willing to take his side against any others and willing to understand his perspectives. He needs a relationship where he feels like his partner is his team-mate and not his opponent.

6. Support his decisions: Not only should a woman be on her man’s side, she should also be able to support the decisions he makes regarding the relationship and other aspect of his and his partner’s lives. She should be able understand the reasons behind decisions he makes and find ways to assist him in making his plans come to fruition.

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Ladies, See How To Know When A Guy Is Still A Virgin

1. He is Very Shy About Touching You
He asks for permission before touching your body... A guy who has had s£x at least once will not be so shy of touching a girl. In fact shyness towards the opposite se x reduces in men who have been intimate before. You cannot completely say a guy is a virgin just because he is shy about being intimate, but it’s a strong sign. So if a guy is shy about touching you, especially at the private and intimate body parts, it shows that he is still a virgin.

2. He Dresses Awkwardly
Most virgin males tend to have an embarrassing dress sense. This is usually so, because they believe they don't have much reasons to pay attention to their dressing because they’ve not experienced what s£x is like. This usually begins to improve the moment they meet the girl they like but even at that, it is still noticeable to the smart ladies.

3. He Kisses Awkwardly
That a guy is a bad ki sser does not mean he is a virgin oh. But if a guy kisses awkwardly, in a very shy manner, it’s almost a sure sign that he is a virgin. If a guy is pretty good at kissing you can be sure that he is not a vir gin no matter what he says. Kissing takes practice and people get good at it with experience. Another sign to look out for is whether he closes his eyes while kissing, most virgins tend to do that a lot. * lol..

4. Usually Quiet, Shy, and has poor social skills
Male virgins are usually quiet, reserved and act in a feminine manner. they have a cowardly behavior, appear passive in interactions and have poor social skills. Male vir gins are also timid and shy and usually do not know how to ask a lady out and make out with her. A lot o f them would rather ask out a lady on the phone or through social media than face to face.

5. He Has a Very Quick Org asm
If it’s his first intim ate experience in lo ve making, he is going to orga sm quickly. Some vir gin guys tend to Erupt even before entering or as soon as they enter. The first experience is always a nervous one for a guy because he will be constantly thinking about how he is performing, and he will get aroused at the slightest act of in timacy on your part causing him to Eru pt quickly. Guys with experience can control themselves a lot better.

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New Research Reveals That Women Are Either Bisexual Or Lesbian But Never Straight!

According to new research, women who say they are straight are in fact aroused by videos of both n*ked men and n*ked women, whereas lesbians are much more attracted to the female form.

The study, led by Dr Gerulf Rieger from the Department of Psychology at the University of Essex, involved 345 women. They were shown videos and had their responses recorded, including whether their pupils dilated in response to sexual stimuli.

The results found that straight women were strongly sexually aroused by videos of both attractive men and attractive women, even though they said they were only interested in men.

This was in contrast to lesbians, who showed much stronger sexual responses to women than to men.

The researchers said lesbians were the most like men in their responses because it is usually men who show distinct sexual responses to their favourite sex.

Dr Rieger said: “Even though the majority of women identify as straight, our research clearly demonstrates that when it comes to what turns them on, they are either bisexual or gay, but never straight.”

Dr Rieger also said his study showed that lesbians who may dress in a more masculine way may not have more masculine behaviors.

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6 Symptoms Of Breast Cancer Women should stop overlooking

6 Symptoms Of Breast Cancer Women Should Stop Overlooking

Thousands of women are diagnosed with breast cancer each year. For women, only lung cancer has a higher death rate than breast cancer. While this type of cancer can be deadly, there are warning signs that can help you catch it early.

It isn’t exactly known why breast cancer develops, but there are some factors that seem to increase your chances of developing breast cancer. Your age (and gender) increase your risk; While men can be diagnosed with chest cancer, it is one hundred times mores common in women. The highest rate of invasive breast cancer are found in women 55 and older.

There also seems to be a higher risk if your close blood relatives had or have breast cancer. Also, the risk of breast cancer increases with higher amounts of alcohol use and obesity after menopause.

Knowing the risks and the symptoms of breast cancer can significantly increase your chances of catching the illness early. Luckily, there are some things you can look for. While finding a lump in your breast is a common symptom, there are others signs to look for.

If you notice any of these symptoms, contact your doctor immediately:

1. Breast Sizes

If the size of one chest enlarges significantly in a short amount of time, this could be a warning sign of breast cancer. Breasts are normally different sizes, but noticing a drastic increase in size or an abnormal change in shape could be something to be concerned about.

2. Swelling

Even if there is no lump present, swelling on your breast (even in a small area) is not a good sign. Swelling can also accompany fever-like symptoms; if this is the case, your breasts will feel warm, may become inflamed, become red or purple and will swell. Immediately inform your doctor if you experience these symptoms.

3. Abnormal Ni.pples

Other than breast milk, any other discharge is not normal. Decreased nipple sensitivity is also something to be aware of. Additionally, if your ni.pple retracts (pulls inward,) or is discolored, be sure to call your doctor.

4. Redness or itchiness

Having a bumpy “orange peel” texture on your breast or nipple area could very well be a symptom of breast cancer. If you experience severe itching on your breast and dermatologist visits (and creams) don’t soothe your symptoms, call your doctor.

5. Noticing a lump

There are benign lumps that form in the breast that may not be cancerous. However, if you notice a mass (that you haven’t noticed before, or that feels harder than the surrounding lumps) schedule a chest examination. Be sure to notice any sort of abnormal mass near your armpit; though it is not in your breast, it could still be breast cancer.

6. Breast Pain

This can be caused by a variety of other things that aren’t cancer. Fluctuating hormones, some fertility treatments, stress and wearing a bra that doesn’t fit right can all cause breast pain. If your pain isn’t caused by this list or accompanies other symptoms, contact your doctor.

Some women feel pain in their back or chest instead of their breast. If this pain does not go away with physical therapy or stretching, inform your doctor.

Not all of these symptoms are symptoms of breast cancer. If you get other treatments (like a cream or antibiotic) for these symptoms, but you do not notice a difference within a few days, be sure to call your doctor and be assertive about tests for breast cancer.

Mammograms have significantly increased the detection rate for breast cancer. Regularly schedule these appointments if you are above the age of 40, or if you have a family history of breast cancer. However, there are things a mammogram cannot detect. Having dense breasts make cancer harder to detect even with a mammogram and helps the cancer cells spread more rapidly. Talk to your doctor for additional tests if you fit this description.

Be diligent with your own breast examinations and be aware of what chest cancer symptoms look and feel like. If you are at all concerned, make an appointment with your doctor.

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See the reasons Why Women's Breasts are Getting Bigger these days

Many people think that women develope bigger breaast size when they engage in sexual activities, but from recent studies, women are now freed from speculations and thoughts of such act.

Below are the said reasons from recent studies on why women develope bigger breaast size even before the age of puberty and after childbirth.

 

Breast, a soft (rounded) protruding organ on the upper front of a woman’s body, is no doubt an important part of the female anatomy, not only for producing milk needed to feed a new born baby, although that can be enormous, its high-end advantage during sexual activities and the role it plays in the attractiveness of a woman cannot be overemphasised.

Notably, men have theirs, but it is not (always) as sizeable as those of women, and many men lust after these organs, often making some to skip their breaths, lose concentration or even change focus on sighting them, and for most of them, the bigger, the better.

Call it an instant attention grabber for men and you may not be far from the truth. It excites them and remains a huge delight for them but it also delights its owners; women, making them feel good and sometimes enhancing their comparative advantage. And suffice it to say that it aptly qualifies as one of the most cherished (by women) and most loved (by men) parts of the female body. Such is its importance to both sexes.

Even though big breasts could be a blessing or burden for women, as big breasts have been found to have the likelihood of affecting posture and causing chronic back pain, regardless, more women seem to crave for it now than ever before.

However, it is not uncommon these days to see that women, including young girls, are becoming increasingly endowed in that region. In fact, in those days, girls used to wear vest until they approached 18 but now, bras have taken the centre stage, not just for decoration but because there is indeed something to cover, which underscores the fact that girls and women are getting bigger in that region.

Many have attributed women’s bust increase to the fact that many more women are going under the knife for breast enlargement, which has made it difficult to know which one is natural or artificial, but far from that, lifestyle and diet have been found to play a major role in bust size.

This is independent of heredity and the fact that women experience some natural variation in their breast size usually during their period (menstruation) and pregnancy period (pre and post).

An emeritus surgeon, Prof. Michael Baum, who is also an expert in breast cancer, explained that one good reason why more women are getting increased bust size is increased fat consumption, but a nutritionist, Jane Clarke told Daily Mail that people are eating more of wrong food and that all the calories people consume end up on the hips and breasts coupled with the fact that more women are now taking too much of alcohol which is highly calorific.

Another nutritionist, Dr. Marilyn Glenville, also opined that beyond fat, increase in the breast tissue levels has also been responsible for the increase in breast size. “So, we have to look at what stimulates breast tissue growth, and that is oestrogen, the female sex hormone. Oestrogen is what changes our body shape during puberty,” she added.

Glenville explained that there is a strong link between increased oestrogen levels and bigger breasts, adding that there are some breast-enhancing supplements that have made their way into some of the food people consume, making such food items have oestrogenic properties, which have impacted on their breast size. She argued further that a large chunk of the milk consumed by humans come from pregnant cows, thus the milk would be flooded with oestrogen.

She said, “It makes sense to look at the ways in which our exposure to all types of oestrogen, the hormone our own bodies produce and oestrogenic chemicals we come into contact with, has changed over the years.

“Girls today reach puberty earlier than ever before, and are going on to have fewer ¬children and breastfeeding for less time. As a result, we have far more periods than our ancestors would have had and we are exposed to more monthly surges of oestrogen, which stimulates ovulation and is also responsible for the increasing breast sizes.”

Meanwhile, a previous study, led by Dr. Karin Michels, from Harvard Medical School, had explained that young girls of nowadays are reaching puberty at an earlier age because of consumption of sugary drinks. Thus, when these girls reach puberty, they begin to show the signs, evident in their breasts and butts.

Michels said, “Our study adds to increasing concern about the widespread consumption of sugar-sweetened drinks among children and adolescents. Our study suggests that age of first menstruation (menarche) occurred earlier among girls with the highest consumption of drinks sweetened with added sugar. These findings are important in the context of earlier puberty onset among girls.”

Going by Glenville’s explanation, the fact that more girls reach puberty exposes them to more oestrogen from their young age, which tends to have its own effect on their anatomy, especially their breasts.

One other explanation for the rising size of boobs, according to experts, is the use of contraceptive pills. In a report on softpedia.com, a consultant endocrinologist, Prof. Pierre-Marc Bouloux, was quoted as saying, “There is a tendency for the pill to stimulate breast growth. However, modern versions of the pill contain far less estrogen than their older counterparts.”
Bouloux explained that there are some other products that come as consumable items, like some chewing gum, which have some oestrogenic properties that could enhance breast size, adding that certain chemicals in polluted water and industrial wastes could mimic oestrogen and produce the same boob-boosting factor in the women.

But, in the words of Dr. Joanna Scurr, a breast biomechanics expert and principal lecturer in biomechanics at the University of Portsmouth, breast sizes are increasing because of the higher proportion of fats in them, adding that junk food, tinned food, canned drinks, and plastic bottles could also be responsible, due to the xenoestrogen.

Therefore, the increase in breast sizes in recent times could be placed down to increased fat consumption by women, rising levels of breast tissue, eating junks and fatty meals, drinking sugary drinks and use of contraceptive pills, more so because breast tissue has been found to be extremely sensitive to hormones. These are independent of hereditary, menstruation and pregnancy/breastfeeding.

Commenting on the study, a medical practitioner, Dr. Rotimi Adesanya, explained that apart from increase in fat diets, use of family planning drugs are some of the things responsible for the increasing breast sizes.

He said, “The increase is due to increase in fats because breast is made of fatty tissues. So, if the fat is much in the body, definitely, the one in the breast will be much as well. So, the level of fat a person eats is an indirect proportion of the person’s breasts size. For some, it runs in the family, and for people that tend to be obese or big in size, they also tend to have a large breast.

“Also, use of hormonal drugs, such as contraceptive pills, could increase breast size. Diet is also a very important factor. The fatty diets include sugary drinks, margarines, etc., and too much of oil is not very good, and that is why we advise people to take more of fruits and vegetables.”

 

Written by TUNDE AJAJA

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3 quick ways to stop obsessing over your ex

 

How do you get over someone you once loved and shared everything with. Obsessing over your ex is very unhealthy because there's absolutely no future for you with them.

 

Obsessing over them means not coming to terms that they've really said goodbye and have moved on. You have to find the courage to move on with your life.

Relationship expert Dr. Jeff Gardere in a chat with Marlo Thomas of Huffington Post, lists thee simple ways people can get over their exes after a breakup.

1. Find something healthy to get obsessed with:  Dr Gardere says find a hobby. Turn your heart and mind towards something more entertaining.

 

2. Don't stop making yourself happy: Always believe in your ability. One failed relationship doesn't define who you are. You can't say you are nothing without them, you were something before they came along.

3. Avoid things, situations that remind you of them: Don't put yourself on the spot. Find other places you never went together, try some new experiences. Don't go to places where you are likely to run into your ex.

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Having Feelings For Someone Else While in a Relationship

Many people who are already in a relationship have this common challenge of having feelings and attraction for someone else outside the relationship.

This issue have grown to be a major problem many people do face in their relationships.
Sometimes you are tempted to ask,

Am i not matured enough to love one person?

Am i not so in love with him/her?

Am i not enjoying all the sex we do have?

Why do i keep feeling attraction for that other person?

But then, all those questions you might be tempted to ask will not really solve the problem here. You can be in a relationship that you enjoy all those things, and people can almost say you are in a healthy relationship but despite that, you find out that you were able to have feelings and attraction for someone else.

You can feel a natural attraction for someone and this kind of feeling is not very harmful or meaningful in any ones life, but the one that makes it more complicated confusing is when you are feeling something more than just the normal attraction and feelings for someone.

Reasons Why You Feel Attracted to Someone Else.
There are many reasons why you might be having feelings for someone else despite that you are in a relationship.
It can be that you just went into the relationship not because you really like your partner, but because you were eager to be in a relationship and that your partner showed interest in you, and so when you saw someone new out there, you were able to still grab attraction for them despite the fact that you are in a relationship.

At times, it can also happen that you are even in a dedicated relationship that have been for long, but then you just found out that you were just getting attracted to someone new even right inside your relationship.

Your heart is just like an organisation, which operates on its own and in ways that suits its interest, so for the fact that your heart saw someone new and started to like that new person, then you cannot stop your dear heart from doing that.

Well, whatever step you take in this situation is surely going to make a change in your relationship life.
(Also Read: How To End a Relationship You Are No More Interested In Keeping )

#What Do You Really Want?
Sometimes, the reason why these feelings grow and become harmful to you is when you are not able to know what you really want in the relationship you are said to involve in.

So you should be able to learn about those things you want in your relationship and the things you want in a partner.
When you are able to know these things and mark them out, it will help and aid you towards taking your next step towards handling that new person that is trying to create a break in your current relationship.

#Checkout On Your Relationship.
There was a time i was having troubles in my relationship and the reason was just because my girlfriend was looking outside the relationship. And initially, it was because i refused to have sex and i was reluctant to accepting her request for that, so this situation she found herself in can be equated to this subject matter.

You need to checkout on your relationship and consider those things you really want in your relationship and from your partner. So if those things that you want are all there, and you feel like there is no wrong in your relationship, then the best thing that you can do to help your situation is to get over that feeling you are having for the other person and take it to be only natural.

After doing that, you will see that everything goes either the right way, or the wrong way. If you find out that your relationship is lacking many things that you know you actually want, and you are thinking or you have hope that you will get those things from your new crush, then its simply more than a natural attraction that you are feeling for him/her.

After identifying those things you want in your relationship, and then you compare them with what you are getting in your current relationship. If they work along, then you should forget about that new crush of yours and dedicate yourself with your current relationship. But if you are lacking and you feel like you need something better, then the best thing you can do to help your situation is to check out on your new crush, perhaps, maybe its time to try something new, no big deal buddy.

#Staying in Your Current Relationship Despite Your New Feelings For Someone Else.
Sometimes, its hard to admit that you are having a new feeling of attraction for someone else despite that you are in a relationship.
But then, when you started your current relationship, you experienced happy and joyful moments of love sharing and you can even testify that the first stage of your relationship was more fun and exiting than any other thing you are feeling now.

You might be tempted to think that your new crush is the one giving you all the joy and happiness your heart needs, while your relationship is growing old and just getting boring, but its not so true.

When your relationship is still standing firm and rigid, and you have no single reason to break up, then why are you still thinking of your new crush? The best thing you can do to help your relationship to continue is to talk to crush and though you know what you are feeling and they might be feeling so too, so what you have to do is to tell them that you just want to be friends and that is all, once you are able to do that, then everything will move along well.

But if you are sincerely not happy in your relationship anymore and you have a reason or more reasons to breakup, then you should go ahead and find yourself new happiness with your new crush. But then, you should think of this, Are you going to be changing partners every time?

If you are always changing partners and you keep jumping from one relationship to another, then you cant be able to learn anything about how to grow and nurture your relationship, so you can never grow in your relationship life.

#Honesty With Your Current Partner.
If your relationship is facing such problems that might make you want to switch partner, then its time to talk to your significant other about what is happening to you and the relationship.

Honesty with your partner is a key that can unlock all those doors of opportunity for a better future. If you are taking your relationship serious and will want to embark on a long lasting relationship, then the needy part of the whole situation is to talk to your partner and make them amend those causes of failures in the relationship.

Also, you have to tell your partner about your new crush and the feelings developing for them in your heart, then explain to your partner the reasons why you don't need a new partner, and make them know that you really love to continue your relationship with them.

After doing all those things, and you have tried everything possible to make sure that you start getting new results in your current relationship, then you have done good. Giving your relationship a second chance is always a good idea to make everything in the relationship change.

So after all that shots and tries, nothing changed and maybe, things even keep getting worst, then you must have to consider trying out your new crush and get some new fun and excitements.
(Also Read: How to Deal With a Breakup And Avoid Making Things Worst )

You Should Respect Your Personality As a Good Person.
When things like this are happening and it happens that you are in a relationship, your personality and respect will work a great deal in keeping you on the right side of action.

First of all, when people know you as a good person who actually have a repetition to keep and maintain, they would not like to make you get involved in anything that will make you to harm others.

One of the easiest thing to do while in a relationship is cheating, and the reason why its easy is because it does not require any special action or communication strategy, it is effortless and can take any form.

When that your new crush is able to know that you are in a relationship and you are dedicated to keeping it without breaking anything from it, then they will walk away, and for them to know that you are in a relationship, it depends on how you relate with them and act whenever you are close to them.

A person that is in a relationship have a personality different from that of the person who is not yet in a relationship.
There are many people who have turned and walked away from you because they know you are already in a relationship, so why do you want to allow this new person without getting to know what is happening and why its happening.

To wrap it up and end this article, you should be able to learn that being genuine and honest in your relationship is very challenging and many people in relationships today are lacking those two components necessary for the well being of a relationship.

But to be the best among the rest of the other people in a relationship, you must be able to pass through that challenge and become outstanding in handling situations as regarding to feeling attraction for someone and having the love for the other.

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You Just Realized That Your Partner Is Cheating With You. So What Next?

Have you ever been in a situation where you discover that your partner have been using you to cheat on their relationships?

I have been in that situation before, and it happened a girl meet me, and was always wanting me to come over her house, or just make phone calls with her, somehow and finally, we started a relationship with her.
After been in the relationship for almost a month, that was when the truth came out from some close friends to her and they told she that she have a boyfriend they are together with, and she was just using me to cheat.

I became angry, sad and just pissed up about the whole stuff, i called her to confirm it and i was rigid on my points before she agreed to open up and beg me to forgive her.
I refused to continue the relationship because it was a kind of funny talking about the way she was using me to cheat.

Because am financially stable and i like giving out, she was like always making demands from me, and seeing her as a girlfriend i love so much, i couldn't resist giving her whatever she desires as far as she tells me something reasonable she is going to use them for. i was like her financial account and that month, almost half of my monthly budget was spent on her only.

I was doing all those things for her because she was able to blindfold me with much love and though it seemed to me like the love was real and straight from the heart, i never knew that she was just using me as her bank account and she kept showing me love like it was real (we never had sex! Bad for me.).
After i was able to find out what was really going, i have to start thinking about what i have to do.

Should i end the relationship? Or should i just continue?

Now that is the main point where this topic is heading to. The reason why you were used to cheat is not a problem, the problem is that you have been cheated on and you have been used to cheat on someone.

You are just like a third party in this situation because you have been used to serve a purpose.
What hurts you more is that you have been used to hurt the feelings of another person and come in between their relationship, but then what hurts most is the fact that you allowed yourself to grow in love with someone who lied to you and who is using you to cheat.

But then, you should not even think of staying in the relationship. You are not the only one involved with that person, who knows if you are 4 or 5 involved? So you see that you cant help such a situation thinking that it will get better and shift in your favour.
If you continue in the relationship, things might start getting worst because a lot criticism, break in trust and other things will start cueing up among you and the other person might get to know about what is happening, now you see that its going to be a lot of big problems to face.

There is no need being in a relationship with a liar and a cheater especially when your own characters and personality is of great value.
So the best to start with is to plan on ways you can bring the relationship to an end.

So here are a list of some guidelines to help you with ending such kinds of relationship affair and get a better life for yourself.

1. Accept the fact that you have been cheated on.

Sometimes when we find out that everything we were building have finally collapsed and when that happens, we refuse to believe and accept the reality of what is happening to us and make new decisions. When you now discover that you were cheated with and you were used for another purpose while to you, it seemed that you were the original

So when you find out that this is really happening to you, the first thing you can do to help yourself is to affect the fact that you have been cheated on, and that you have participated in a cheating act that will affect another individual.

So when you have accepted this fact without refusing to give in to the situation and change plans, them you will find out that taking the next step is nothing really hard to do.

2. Face Your Cheating Partner And Ask For Reasons.

They always say that the best way to tackle a problem is to face that problem and trace the root of that problem.
So meeting your affair partner and discussing your pain about happened is a good way to get yourself right and conscience clear about the dilemma you are going through.

Since you are now feeling the pain, guilt, anger and other things because of the occurrence, meeting the cheater and telling them how you felt and how things are now going with you is another way you can use in consoling yourself and pave a way out of the affair.

After that, you should be able to ask your affair partner the possible reasons why they decided to cheat with you and after that, you will find justification for whatever you participated in doing with him or her.

3. Distance Yourself Away and Avoid Your Partner.

Since you know that cheating is a very serious offence that always come with lots of consequence, the other next step you must take to help yourself is to distance yourself away from your cheating partner and break it off with him or her.

When you do that, you will find out that you finally have personal space and time to think about what is happening and to figure out your next plans for a better life.

When you are able to stay away from your partner who is cheating with you, it will also offer them more time to think about what they made you to indulge in and now, realising that they will be facing the consequence of what they have committed.

4. Start Erasing Their Thoughts And Memories in Your Life.

This is the most difficult aspect of the matter because at this point, you will find it hard to cope with the situation and move on with your life.

Anything that you know will remind you of the person should be totally deleted and done away with. Things like their social profiles, emails, messages, phone numbers, their gifts to you, clothes, gadgets, etc.
All these things which you know belongs to them must be done away with if you want to move on with your life.

5. Do Not Confront or Try Meeting Their Original Partners.

You already know that the girl or that man have been cheating with you and it happens that you know the original person they started with before you were involved.

So to manage and maintain your anger, dignity and respect, you should not go anywhere near that person whom you know that you were involved in cheating on him/her.

6. Determination on Your Decision.

Don't just say you are going to do all these things and take action as you are currently thinking in your mind. So you must first of all be determined in your heart and mind that you are surely going to leave their life because that is the only way you can help yourself become a better person.

Since indulging in the cheating act was not your original intention, having the determination to set yourself free and move on with your life is nothing hard to do, except if you want to continue in the act because you don't feel like going the right way, but altogether, these tips will work for your own good if you follow them practically and in the right manner.

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Things you should do to maintain your relationship and make it last for a long time

Having relationships that lasts have always been the dreams of many people today, and while some were able to live up to the task and maintain long lasting relationships, some are unable to achieve such aims and are jumping from one relationship to the other.

Not every relationships lasts for a long period of time, and once you are able to keep a relationship that have taken a form of a long term relationship, it is always hard for you to endure the lots of new problems that keep arising from time to time in the relationship.

If you want to keep a relationship that will last for long, then there are some practical steps you must take to ensure that everything is kept moving in the right direction it should go.
First, there are some things that will hinder you from being able to keep a long term relationship that is going to last for a long time.

#Lack of Trust.

When you find it hard trusting that person you are in love with, then it will be a hard thing for you to keep the relationship because you must always find one reason or the other to show them that you are uncomfortable with something going on in the relationship.

So once that trust is not there between the both of you, when you cant trust each others actions and when your words cant tell if there is truth in whatever you do, then i don't think you are ready to start a relationship that will last for a long period of time.

#Listening to Gossips from Third Parties.

This one can totally hinder you from even wanting to embark on a relationship that will last for a long period of time.
When people keep feeding you with facts and lies about your partner, it will make you to position yourself at one corner and then, allow those people to be the mediators between you and your lover.

Gossips will only make you to see so many faults in your partner that will make you to keep thinking the opposite direction about them, in truth, you are going to think that they are helping you to get the relationship better, but inside of the circle, you are going to find out that those gossips and bad mouthing from third parties is actually causing you to loose focus in the relationship.

So now that you have known that these two things are vital for making you to slow down your progress in your relationship life.
So i know that you want to maintain your relationship so that it will last for a long period of time.

To achieve that aim, i have been able to put down these tips that can help you to build the kind of long term relationship you want. So here are the things that you should do to maintain your relationship to last for a long period of time.

1. Show your partner that you like something about them.

There are a lot of women who normally loves it when their man always compliment them on the things they find attractive to them.
So if your woman falls under this category, then telling her about those things you like when you see her do them, wear them or act in such ways can trigger the love and care between the both of you.

Also as a woman, you surely know that there are many things you find attractive about your man and they always make you happy, so telling him about them can make him learn that you are really appreciative about the efforts he puts on trying to be at his best.

So when you become good and better in voicing out the things you like about your partner, he or she will start to do the same and from that point, you will discover you get along with each other and enjoy that aspect when the compliments and appreciation keeps flowing between the both of you.

2. Interact With Your Partner About Your Dreams And Goals in Your Life.

Have you ever thought of the reason why you are in a relationship with that person? Maybe you don't know why.
When you are in a relationship, you should know that you are not just into it because you want someone to make you happy or you want to enjoy some benefits that are attached to relationships. If that's your view about the relationship, then you can never settle for a long term relationship that will last.

The reason for starting any relationship should be solely for the purpose of sharing your life with your partner. And your life means your happiness and your achievements, or your dreams and your challenges you face in your life.
Sharing your dreams and goals in life will bring about motivation from your partner and he/she will always want to be in support of your dreams in your life.

So you must never underestimate the importance of sharing your goals in life with your partner because it brings about motivation and desire from both ends to see that those dreams are achieved.

3. Build up your compatibility and have common interest between the both of you.

One reason why many relationships today are thrown into the dust is because the partners have no compatibility between them, that is to say, they have nothing in common that brings their heads together.

For example, if you always like watching adventure, while she likes to watch romantic movies, or she likes taking strawberry and you don't like taking it but prefer mangoes, or she likes going to parties and hanging out while you hate hanging out nor partying.

When you discover that most of your interests, likes and dislikes are always different and are not common between you, then you can hardly get along as you get divided in many occasions and it will not be too good.

So if you know you really love your partner and you want something long lasting between the both of you, then the best idea to use is to start building your compatibility because everything have shown that you are not compatible with each other.

How do you start this process? It is easy, you must learn to start liking what your partner likes, no matter how hard you find it, but finally having something in common that both of you can discuss about can work a great deal in bring your heads together and also get your brains to function and work in the same direction.

4. Frequent Communication and Body Languages Usage.

Without communication, no relationship can last for long, so you must never play with this idea of keeping in touch with each other.

When you go out to work and have no hope of seeing your partner until when its evening, calling them to know how they are doing is a great way to show care and concern for them.
Communicate and talk to each other about anything that involves the both of you.

If you are having any challenge in your life, then tell your partner about it, if there is something you don't like about your partner, make them know about it and if you have any insecurity about your partner, then you must communicate all these things to them so that both of you can learn about each others problems more better and handle them in the best way you can.

Don't underestimate the importance of touching your partner always, this can be in form of hugging, hands holding, shoulder leaning and kissing, other advanced touch situations are massaging of your partner's body. All these activities will make you not to have any boring experience about what you see other people doing in their relationships.

Before you can be able to hold a long term relationship, there must be that dedication and interest in achieving such height of relationships, and once you are able to practice all those tips given above, then you can be able to maintain your relationship and make it last for a long period of time.

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